Dear Jamie I

I finally got us signed up for family counselling. I should have done it a long, long time ago. I honestly thought you and I were doing alright with the whole parenting thing. I guess over the years we communicated a little less and less because we had a hard time communicating without fighting. I had to watch my tone and choice of words and bite my tongue even if I disagreed sometimes. It was just easier that way. It fucks me up to see dads and their kids now. This morning a dad and his baby were at the cafe. The dad was making his baby boy laugh. A dad who wants to be around. A dad who is IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL. You missed her rock camp performance. She played keys again and was incredible. "Thoughts fly away like a butterfly..." were the lyrics in the chorus. She told me that inside, she is half sad and half happy. When she is mad, she is sad/mad. But sometimes, she is happy/happy. I'm trying for art therapy as well. Those would be individual sessions for her.

School is coming up fast and I'm not looking forward to that first day without you. Your mom isn't letting anyone go to the apartment, so I'm not sure when I'll have access to the rest of her clothes. Then comes more milestones, more holidays without you. Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas. I'll just do it all I guess.

I'll see everyone again this Saturday and then some. Cheater is flying in from out east. He's fucked up over this. He said he lost all the pics he had of you two so I sent him some that I found in an album on Facebook. It was Andy'sILL at APK Live. We were all just babies then. Dan messages me roughly once a week to check in. I just have a hard time responding to messages.

Audrey's going to Oshawa next week. I'm going to try to clip Poppy's nails now, because Audrey said you never did even once.